Just a Nobody
by rileyluvr13
Summary: I wondered if he would ever know. If he would ever know I didn’t want to do this, didn’t want to desert him, didn’t want to be away from him for one heart-shattering second. Roxas's thoughts on the scene where he left Axel. .:Oneshot - Roxas x Axel:.


**A/N:** This was written for XxKayTayxX, who wanted a one-shot with the pairing Roxas x Axel. Funny how all my KH fanfics center around requests :P

So, I just had to write this down when it popped into my head. I spent a really long time watching Roxas's memories on Day 6 of KH2, so I hope I got the continuity right. I'm pretty sure there's more than one take on this scene, too. So, enjoy! :)

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Kingdom Hearts, or else the third one would be out already and I would have beaten it.

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_**.:Just a Nobody:.**_

One deep breath was all I needed.

At least, that's what I told myself. So, I simply squared my shoulders and kept my gaze straight ahead as I walked down the street, determined not to glance in the direction of the spiky redheaded figure leaning against a building next to me.

But he didn't keep quiet. He never _did_ stop voicing his opinion.

So it wasn't any surprise that I was only able to get a few feet away before he spoke.

"Your mind's made up?" he said, voice flat and defeated.

Convincing Axel I had to leave, had to find answers, was going to be the hardest part about leaving. I originally had no intention to say a final goodbye. But, obviously, he was going to make that a little harder for me than I planned.

I gritted my teeth together and reluctantly stopped in my tracks. I couldn't deny his inquiring tone. I _couldn't_. So I turned my head – not my body, it would fill him with too much hope – just enough to see him.

He looked at least a little composed, better than when I had told him the news the first time around. His head was turned downward, not looking at me. Those striking green eyes were fixed on his crossed arms. His face looked pretty much the same as I remembered it, except for one small detail. This time, there was no jeering smile or malicious grimace playing on the corners of his lips.

Instead, they were flat, thin, and pulled tightly together. Not how I remembered seeing them.

Ever.

But I had to get through this. Shake him off. Because I simply _needed_ to find out what was happening to me, needed to know why these strange things were coming at me from all sides. I needed answers that I couldn't ever find in Organization XIII. Which meant I had to leave, no matter how much it would kill me inside.

Axel couldn't understand. But I think it was more that he didn't _want_ to understand.

I wish I didn't want to understand either. Just so I could stay. With him.

"Why did the Keyblade choose me?" I said, a little angry for having to leave my best friend, but trying to remain calm. I stuck my hand out into thin air to as if the weapon would actually appear for Axel to see.

I sighed a little, so quietly that I doubted Axel heard, and started to turn around and face the long stretch of darkness ahead. But I sounded determined as I said, "I have to know."

But Axel only echoed my exhaustion. I heard him take one step forward and could perfectly picture him waving his hands around like I knew he would. "You can't turn on the Organization! You get on their bad side and they'll destroy you!" he said in an angry and desperate voice, as if leaving a powerful group of Nobodies – my own kind – was my biggest fear of all.

No. Seeing the longing in Axel's green eyes, the same emotion mirrored in the corners of my blue ones, but knowing I was unable to do anything about it. _That _was my biggest fear.

Because I couldn't turn back now. The time that I had spent in the Organization was worthwhile, all thanks to a certain redheaded pyro. He was a lost soul like me, and we instantly bonded, becoming best friends.

Committing crimes for the Organization. Joking around, eating sea salt ice cream on the clock tower in Twilight Town. Laughing and smiling like it would never, ever end.

It was like we had hearts.

And I was pretty sure mine was breaking as I spoke.

Whether or not Axel was a Nobody, my best friend, or maybe even _more_, I couldn't help but feel a ripping in my chest every time I looked into his eyes. They were usually green, rippling with a variety of emotions: angry, heated, mocking… sparkling, glittering, stunning.

The one thing I had noticed when looking into his eyes a few seconds ago was that everything was gone. No anger, no lividness, no… nothing. They were simply empty.

And I hated it.

But it wasn't like I had a choice… right?

"No one would miss me."

I don't know what had prompted me to say it, but when I saw that Axel was ready to protest, I had to tear my gaze from him and stare at the ground. Because I couldn't bear to hear what he would say, what he would do to get me to change my mind.

But, did he really believe that I was going because I desperately, one hundred percent completely wanted to? Did he really believe that I _didn't_ want to spend the rest of forever being partners in crime while working for the Organization, just him and me?

I honestly think he did believe all of those things.

And that hurt. Right inside, where a Somebody would have a heart. Because how could he not know I returned his feelings? How could he not know that doing this made me die a little inside, especially each time I looked into those lifeless eyes of his – that _I _had caused? How could he not know I loved him so, _so_ much?

How could he believe the words I said, when I certainly didn't?

"That's not true…" he said in an angry voice, just like I knew he would. But I wouldn't meet his gaze. I couldn't turn around and see his eyes, couldn't dare let blue meet green, couldn't let them persuade me to stay.

I wondered if he would ever know. If he would ever know I didn't want to do this, didn't want to desert him, didn't want to be away from him for one heart-shattering second.

I doubted he ever would.

And that made me feel like just a Nobody more than anything.

Against my will, I started walking away from the only man who would ever make me feel like I had a heart. A complete, whole, beating, emotion-filled, crazy heart.

"I would."

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**A/N:** Please leave a review to let me know what you thought? It won't take long! :D


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